


Something Stirs

by HixyStix (GaiaMyles)



Category: Supernatural
Genre: F/M, Post-Episode: s13e22 Exodus, allieturns30, birthday fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-02
Updated: 2019-01-02
Packaged: 2019-10-02 10:48:42
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,330
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17262872
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GaiaMyles/pseuds/HixyStix
Summary: “I just want to know my life hasn’t been completely pointless!”Hunter Allie deals with the loss of Gabriel in her own way.





	Something Stirs

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Gabriel_Is_My_Guardian_Angel89](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Gabriel_Is_My_Guardian_Angel89/gifts).



“Hey, Allie,” Sam says, sliding into a chair across the table from you.  “You hanging in there?”

You look around the room, milling with AU World hunters.  There are people here you’ve heard stories of, who died before you hooked up with the Winchesters.  Well, they aren’t the _same_ people, but it’s kinda close.  Everyone is antsy: happy to be safe, but anxious to figure out how to get back home and save their world.

You can’t blame them for worrying.  You have no idea how to get them back home, either, not without an archangel.  Michael was still locked in the Cage. Sam kept Lucifer from coming back across the portal with everyone.  Raphael is dead. And Gabriel…

You look up and meet Sam’s eyes.  They are soft and sympathetic.

You don’t want sympathy.

“I’m fine,” you insist.  “It was his choice.” It was the _wrong_ choice, but it’d been his to make.

“I should have stopped him,” Sam says.  “Or tried to get his body.”

 _Yeah, you should have.  I should have, too_ , you think.  “He wanted us to leave him.”  You rub your face with your hands, pushing hair back from your eyes.  “He wanted to die.”

“Sam!” comes a call from across the room - he can’t sit down for more than a few seconds before someone else needs him.

He gives you a look, questioning, wondering if it’s okay to leave you.

Waving him on, you stand too.  “I’m gonna go to bed early. LIttle worn out from our AU world jaunt.”

“If there’s a way to get him back, Allie, we’ll find it,” Sam promises.

You don’t believe him.

 

Your room is at the end of the hall, tucked away in a quiet corner of the Bunker.  The only person staying near you had been Gabriel.

It’s just you now.

You know you shouldn’t be so torn up about this.  It isn’t like there was anything really going on between you and the archangel.  Just a crush on your part, something about the broken being he’d become that pulled at your heartstrings.

How shattered he’d been when he came to the Bunker from Asmodeus’ ‘care.’  How hard he’d fought to seem normal after getting his revenge on Loki. How much Sam and Dean had asked of him, but even you had to agree you all needed his help to defeat Michael and save Mary and Adam.

He’d given his help and it’d cost him everything.

Sam and Dean both knew you felt something for Gabriel.  Dean teased you mercilessly when he figured it out, but Sam just kept his mouth shut.  You weren’t sure if Cas knew or not - sometimes the angel was extremely perceptive and sometimes he was oblivious.

The door shuts behind you, leaving you alone in your room.  The quiet is deafening after the loud chatter in the library.  Flopping on your bed, clutching a pillow for comfort, you think about what brought you to this point and wonder what you could have changed.

 

The other day - which seemed a lifetime ago - Dean asked you to stay behind with Rowena, to provide her backup.

Of course, you refused.  No way were you being left behind.  Especially not if Gabriel was going - he wasn’t even at full strength and needed someone to watch his back.  Not that you’d ever tell the archangel he needed help. He still had his pride, you knew.

So off you went, into the alternate world that had no Winchesters.

The whole world was different, light suffused with a strange tone that made everything look washed out.  Was something different with the sun here or was that just the way things looked?

Time was short and you all hiked through the woods.  You hung behind Gabriel and Cas, listening to Cas try and talk Gabriel into coming back to Heaven.  Silently, you cheered. You’d lose Gabriel forever if he ruled Heaven, but he’d be fulfilling a role, finding a purpose - something he desperately needed.

Then he basically called himself a fuck-up and said he didn’t think Heaven should want him.

Your heart broke.

Gabriel noticed you behind him and fell back to walk beside you.  “You ready if Michael’s angels attack us here?” he asked, concerned.

“Yeah,” you nodded.  “I think I am. What about you?”

His look was haunted, but he nodded as well.  “I have to be. For whatever use I’ll be.”

“Hey,” you said, bopping his shoulder.  “You’re gonna do fine. Low grace or no, you’re still a warrior.  You took on Loki and his sons.”

“Needed help with that,” he pointed out and then changed the subject.  “Hey, it’s your birthday coming up, right? Big plans? Partying in the lively town of Lebanon?  Shots with Cas? Stealing the Impala for a joyride?”

You saw his deflection for what it was, but went along with it.  “I’d like to live to see my _next_ birthday, so I’m leaving Baby alone,” you laughed.  “But maybe a couple of us can go out to that one bar in town.”

“The only bar in town, you mean.”

“That’s the one,” you said, grinning at him.  His eyes caught yours and you felt a flutter in your stomach.

“What’s the birthday wish this year?” he asked.

You gestured around you.  “Fix this?” you suggested.  “Get everyone home safely?”

“Might be a tall order,” Gabriel said.  “In any universe, my brother is formidable.”

“I know.  I just…” you started, but trailed off when you realized you almost confessed more than you meant to.

“You just what?”  The look Gabriel gave you made it seem like he already knew and was asking for politeness’ sake.

“I just…  I don’t know.  I don’t want anything for me.  I want good things for everyone else.  I want this to end happily ever after.”

“Ah, the old ‘world peace’ answer,” he said, nodding.  “Noble. Unrealistic, but noble.”

You felt a flash of irritation.  “ **I just want to know my life hasn’t been completely pointless**!” you retorted.  “I want something good to come out of me hunting.  Whether that’s saving this world or saving people in our world or… or convincing you that you need to go back and save Heaven, I don’t know and I don’t care.  I just want to leave the world a better place.”

Gabriel blinked.  Apparently that _wasn’t_ the answer he’d been expecting.  “You heard my talk with Cas, huh?”

“Yeah.  It sounds like they need you.”

“Maybe.”  He looked away.  “Maybe I want to keep a low profile still.”

“Until you’re healed?”

“Maybe.  Maybe what I want is on Earth, not in Heaven.”

Before you could ask him what that could be, your group ran into others and learned of the tunnel with the vampires.

And, well, after that, you had no control over things.  No say to stop Gabriel from sacrificing himself to get you back safely to your world.

All you had was one last glance from him.

 

Squeezing the pillow tight, you feel tears leaking from your eyes.  Despite what you told Sam, you weren’t okay. You didn’t feel like you’d ever be okay again.

 _Gabriel_ , you think.   _Damn you.  You didn’t have to do that.  We need you here, for more than your grace._ I _need you here.  Forget Heaven. Come back to me.  If I want anything for my birthday, it’s that._

Your heart clenches.  You know your words will do no good.  You know about the Empty, Cas told you.  You know Gabriel is back in the other world’s Empty, way out of earshot of even the most desperate prayers.

You need to get yourself together, but maybe you’ll allow yourself another half hour of crying.  No tears after that. You need to get back to work.

Until then, you pray to a dead archangel.

  


Somewhere, in the singular Empty that spans all worlds, something stirs.

Golden eyes and a cocky grin are the first things that form.

The Empty is quiet no more.


End file.
